Tampon Trauma: What You Can Do
Many men have been asked at one point in their life by a mother, sister, girlfriend, wife, or daughter to buy tampons while they are out. Women just don't seem to understand the trauma, embarrassment, and dishonor this causes men. It is any man's worst nightmare to go into a store alone and buy tampons. It's just not natural. Nothings says "I'm someone's bitch" like a man buying tampons alone. Matters can become much worse if the man happens to run into some of his guy friends at the store while he's carrying said tampons in hand. You might as well kill yourself right then and there...
However, men, there is hope. Many TAGs (Tampon Awareness Groups) have sprouted around the country to provide much needed therapy for any man who has been put into such a situation. They also provide alternatives to having to buy the tampons directly by yourself.
For instance, while you are in the store, walk up to any woman and explain the situation to her. Ask her if she'll buy the tampons you were sent to get. Hell, even offer a fee for the trouble. I've learned through these experiences that any woman will "service" you if you pay the right price. This way you can avoid the embarrassment of going up to a cashier to ring up the tampons just for you. There. Problem solved.
You could also just try stealing the tampons from the store, but this plan can ultimately backfire if you get caught. Now everyone's attention has been drawn to the man trying to steal tampons (another instance in which you might consider killing yourself.)
There are also preventative measures a man can take to ensure that he never has to buy tampons alone. You could try stealing one tampon from a box freshly opened by the female who usually asks you to perform such demanding tasks and stash it away for safekeeping. Each time a new box is opened, help yourself to another tampon. You can hide them in your car, the woman's car, your house, and the woman's house (if it is a different one) so that if she asks you to buy tampons, you've already got some on hand to avoid such a predicament. Then, the woman can buy tampons later at her own leisure. Don't forget to restock on your own personal stash to make sure you are always prepared.
TAGs also provide special services for women who just don't seem to understand the trouble in which they place men when they ask such a ridiculous favor. They offer classes to explain why a man feels how he feels, and they provide alternatives for women should they need someone to get tampons for them. Among them include asking a female friend or female relative to buy the tampons. If they refuse, always have evidence on the back burner to blackmail them into it.
They have handy craft seminars to help women get by until they can quickly go out and buy their own damn tampons. Women can work wonders and create temporary tampons with some toilet paper/paper towels and some duct tape. This will help tide the woman over for a quick 15-30 minutes while she can go get tampons.
So you see, women, it isn't good to ask your bitch...erm...I mean man to go out and buy tampons for you. With proper precautionary actions taken by both you and the man, you can avoid any tampon-related fights between you and him later on in the future.
However, men, there is hope. Many TAGs (Tampon Awareness Groups) have sprouted around the country to provide much needed therapy for any man who has been put into such a situation. They also provide alternatives to having to buy the tampons directly by yourself.
For instance, while you are in the store, walk up to any woman and explain the situation to her. Ask her if she'll buy the tampons you were sent to get. Hell, even offer a fee for the trouble. I've learned through these experiences that any woman will "service" you if you pay the right price. This way you can avoid the embarrassment of going up to a cashier to ring up the tampons just for you. There. Problem solved.
You could also just try stealing the tampons from the store, but this plan can ultimately backfire if you get caught. Now everyone's attention has been drawn to the man trying to steal tampons (another instance in which you might consider killing yourself.)
There are also preventative measures a man can take to ensure that he never has to buy tampons alone. You could try stealing one tampon from a box freshly opened by the female who usually asks you to perform such demanding tasks and stash it away for safekeeping. Each time a new box is opened, help yourself to another tampon. You can hide them in your car, the woman's car, your house, and the woman's house (if it is a different one) so that if she asks you to buy tampons, you've already got some on hand to avoid such a predicament. Then, the woman can buy tampons later at her own leisure. Don't forget to restock on your own personal stash to make sure you are always prepared.
TAGs also provide special services for women who just don't seem to understand the trouble in which they place men when they ask such a ridiculous favor. They offer classes to explain why a man feels how he feels, and they provide alternatives for women should they need someone to get tampons for them. Among them include asking a female friend or female relative to buy the tampons. If they refuse, always have evidence on the back burner to blackmail them into it.
They have handy craft seminars to help women get by until they can quickly go out and buy their own damn tampons. Women can work wonders and create temporary tampons with some toilet paper/paper towels and some duct tape. This will help tide the woman over for a quick 15-30 minutes while she can go get tampons.
So you see, women, it isn't good to ask your bitch...erm...I mean man to go out and buy tampons for you. With proper precautionary actions taken by both you and the man, you can avoid any tampon-related fights between you and him later on in the future.
posted by cjufnf at 4:13 PM
2 Comments:
I just came across your blog. Kinda funny when I read about the men getting tampons... etc... just to be a big thorn in your side... my husband will buy: condoms, tampons, pads, breast pads (for breastfeeding), pregnancy tests, midol AND yeast infection medication. He OFFERS to go get it without me asking. Not at all embarassed or feeling like less of a man. I guess some are just worried about their male image. In a woman's opinion, a boy is a man when stupid stuff like that doesn't make him feel uncomfortable. :-)
As a biologist, the man is the gender which produces a lot of smaller gametes. The woman produces fewer, larger ones. As a philosophy student, I don't understand the distinction between a 'man' and a 'real man'. If it's male, and does male things, it's a real man. You can't get more real than that. And buying tampons isn't included in what defines a real man since tampons aren't even natural substances.
Kudos to you for reading through the large majority of crap on my blog. I know most of it isn't entertaining, but I do come up with good things every once in a while. Thanks for replying! It makes me all warm and fuzzy inside! :D
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